We tend to fear such unknown and known challenges, overthink about it unless we blow it out of proportion. The Marshmallow Man in the Hollywood movie "Ghost Busters" aptly portrays how our fear can transform a fantasy into a nightmare until we are aware of ourselves- our self-worth, resilience, rationality, faith, pragmatism, optimism that make our courage, patience, faith, compassion and, grit to resolve the challenge staring right into our face; rather than invariably give into to negative vibes and cower away from trying to averting the problem or in solving it. On doing so, we prove our lack of self-awareness and invariably give in to SELF PITY.
You might wonder this post is on "SELF PITY". Then why am I citing bizarre examples to substantiate the worth of certain human attributes?
You are right. When I am unaware of the attributes and do not inculcate them in my effort to become aware of my self: my perceptions, my emotions, my likes, dislikes, fears, beliefs, and accept them. When I make a conscious effort in assessing a cause and its effect to understand and love self, then I empower myself with the inherent human attributes of faith/trust, courage, honesty, integrity, self-love/selfless love, empathy, grit, curiosity, dignity, self-worth, self-respect, self-discipline, patience, acceptance and all this culminates into "Optimism"; otherwise, I grope in the darkness of self-negligence, and Pessimism's-negative vibes like negative-comparison, defiance, anger, resentment, vengeance, cowardice, jealousy, hypocrisy, intolerance, manipulation, dishonesty, false-belief/blind faith, and often use cunning and trickery in achieving selfish objectives.
You may reason it is a big bad world and we have to be aware of and use the ways of the world, both good and bad, for survival and sustenance. We are born with Instincts or Innate Behaviour/Hard-wired such as our reflexes; primordial behaviour of "FRIGHT_&_FLIGHT". Similarly, a child cries when it is hungry or is feeling uneasy. Mother's instinct or innate behaviour is to immediately feed and comfort the child. Among such behaviour is that of Altruism: the ability to help anyone in need and this is an inherent sign of selfless love or self-love. We somehow lose this noble innate behaviour with our first bad experience of the big bad world. When we help anyone with positive intentions but realise the person has taken advantage of our best and makes fun of us - our gullibility and foolishness, it leaves an indelible scar on our heart and mind and we learn the first lesson of the so-called big bad world "NOT TO HELP ANYONE, BECAUSE, THEY ARE FAKING DISTRESS AND WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT!" Sad enough, we bid good-bye to our "Altruist Nature" reinforcing our faith in "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST IN THIS BIG BAD WORLD!"
Now, we can comprehend the statement:
When I feel helpless, misunderstood, ignored, lonely, or humiliated, I indulge in a negative emotion called "SELF PITY".
Let me begin with a cliche "No human is an island." It ignores the fact, each individual is an island with her/his respective personal space and we respect each other as long as we don't violate each other's personal space. In fact, we are more like an archipelago and we can understand one another only when we are able to understand ourselves. This is the foundation of "EMPATHY": to be able to sense and understand another individual. This develops our ability to discern genuine sorrow and who to empower overcome life's challenges.
Let me narrate a short story. One bright sunny day on a busy road a man met with an accident. The passers-by and by-standers immediately pulled out their mobile phones and cameras for video coverage of the person's plight. They commented and shouted "Look at that car driver, couldn't he stop and rush this man to the hospital! Now people have lost humanity! Hey! I have already uploaded the video on WhatsApp and SNS! What! you live-streamed it on Facebook?! Did anyone telephone the police and the ambulance service? The police and hospital emergency staff are so irresponsible! They never treat accident cases with urgency! Someone go near that accident victim. Please check whether the poor fellow is still breathing! We have to rush to the office, else we will be marked late to work and lose a day's salary! Come on! let's go! The police will arrive soon and before they interrogate us, let us leave this place. I will pray for this poor fellow. He will get well soon!...."
A shop-keeper had informed the police and paramedics that arrived within an hour's time only to find the man died due to severe loss of blood and delay in First-Aid treatment.
This is an instance of a so-called big bad world. Sad enough, we are not aware we are the people who are responsible for the world being a "Big and Bad one too." These people proved they are not an island, but individuals marooned on an island where they feel comfortable and lack the courage to step out of their comfort zone. Without violating each other's personal space, the onlookers could have made a concerted effort in helping the person in distress? Did anyone of them even think, "If this can happen to this person, it can happen to me in the future?"
Here is the difference between SYMPATHY AND EMPATHY:
We often experience low self-esteem that makes us feel like an ignoble person and invariably make everyone else feel so.
Another classic example of self-pity is to manipulate and use anyone in achieving my success or selfish objective; then pity the person for being a failure, instead of acknowledging how he/she has directly or indirectly contributed to my success.
When I extend a helping hand out of pity, I once again pity myself.
I try to diffuse it through bravado, authoritative attitude, brouhaha or connivance that adds on to the cause of my negative feeling and emotion. Instead, I need self-reflection- introspection to understand the cause of such negative feeling.
Introspection needs me to be true to myself to reach out to the cause and think how to resolve the way to get out of the vicious circle or the cause of the negative emotion.
We often get caught in our own web of perceptions, belief and thoughts and undermine our ability to understand the cause of our stress and frustration. Our ego and false self-image prevent us from articulating the cause of our stress and anxiety and we often resort to various means to offset the stress of any persisting problem that often aggravates it instead of giving us a respite from it.
Here are a few simple ways we can steer clear of the web of stress, anxiety and, frustration and with a restored faith in self we can empathetically use our #creativethinking, #lateralthinking, #criticalthinking abilities to solve our problems:
- Selfie Mode that helps us to be aware of ourselves (#selfawareness) and the environment, coz I agree with the U.N.'s statement, "What happens to Nature affects Humanity."
- Meditation For Mindfulness help us in clearing our mind off the facilities.
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